Miles Cox

I’m Miles Cox; a comic arts goon and purveyor of gonzo-literature-gone-poetic.

I am currently a Junior at Florida State University, with a major in Creative Writing and a minor in Religion (Abrahamic Faith). I’m the Culture and Arts Coordinator with Union Productions at the University. I’m tasked with booking gigs from literature, to music, to multicultural shindigs. I’m also a freelance writer, a nationally awarded poet, and an affront to the English language.

Pride to Host Next Drag Show at Local Chuck E. Cheese to Accommodate Projected Turnout

Following the completely batshit turnout for Once Upon A Drag at Club Downunder, which included a line that passed free condoms to patrons all the way from the union to Railroad Square, Pride has cut ties with the club in search of a bigger venue to refrain from obstructing traffic. However, this begs the question: Where in the name of Katya Zamolodchikova can you fit roughly a thousand rowdy queens and kings? While the kitsch consignment shops of Gaines Street have refused the offer to host the

Frat Halloween Party Revealed to be Inspiration for “Jigsaw”

Any time a new director comes onto the scene of a beloved halloween torture-porn franchise, the air is abuzz with hostility and the remnants of Donnie Wahlberg’s farts. How could they possibly surpass the pure art of a shotgun death carousel? Luckily, the Spierig Brothers recognized the truth: sometimes, misanthropic depravity isn’t found in the mind of a fictional cancer patient with a vendetta. Sometimes, misanthropic depravity is found in the spirit of ZBT that haunts FSU greek life, and what

State Troopers Only Appear on the Highway to Inconvenience You, Personally

With winter break well on it’s way, faculty and students can find mutual grief in the mere thought of driving hundreds of miles to be met by the mediocrity of highway patrol officers, who somehow only manifest when you think you’ll be on time for your little cousin’s sousaphone recital for once. It’s these chaotic wizards of time-space that ruin road trips faster than you can say, “This isn’t what happened in ‘Baby Driver.’” “Highway patrol are generally the worst division of law enforcement— r

Instructors Expect You to Learn Telepathy in Lieu of Them Just Figuring out Canvas

With the dated evil of Blackboard nothing but a weird fever dream of error walls and late updates, you’d think Canvas would feel like a breath of fresh air for professors and students alike. Little did we know, the shift would essentially be read as the largest insult to mankind, with instructors retaliating in the most asinine sense of the word. While some carry on without a hitch, others have decided that Canvas might have very well just murdered their firstborn, and are coming up with ways to

Doomsday Clock Revealed to Be Two Minutes Behind Schedule

The cuckoo clock of human ineptitude has recently determined that the world is roughly two minutes away from global catastrophe, leaving the general public to make as many Iron Maiden jokes as possible before The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists come out of their bunkers to knock our teeth out over the next glib Facebook post. With all of the commotion and possibly the most attention the public has given the concept of “The Doomsday Clock” since it popped back up in 2010 after eight years of quasi-

Professor Comes Out as Straight Ally

Move over anyone who thinks they're Woke™, there’s a new activist taking little gay campus hearts by storm. Professor Charles Jones has bravely stepped into the spotlight as a champion for the poor, voiceless LGBTQ students of Florida State University by coming out as a straight ally in the middle of his IFS4200 course titled “I’m Socially Liberal but Fiscally Conservative.” This was completely unexpected by anyone who didn’t bother to tune him out after he introduced himself as “Chuck” on the f

“Hey, Chucklefuck!” and Other Things You Can Say to Your Professor if You Aren’t Afraid of God

Face it, it’s already the middle of the semester. Your faith in a higher power escaped the building the second you heard your professor invent a mandatory “teamwork-oriented” project in the last two seconds of class last week. Everything, and we do mean everything, has gone tits up on the Seminole Express. So, what can you do to show your spirit? To prove that you’ve lost your will to even bother with trying to sound like a functional adult, try using these phrases in everyday classroom discussi

Honda Odyssey Severs Laws of Space and Time by Driving 40 MPH in Left Lane

Fuck a flux-capacitor. If anything on the road is going to play God, it sure isn’t going to be some scientist in a sports car. That honor, of course, goes to Linda’s Mom-Mobile, a 2005 Honda Odyssey that reeks of bad oil and circus peanuts as it cuts you off on I-10 and slows to a 40 MPH crawl with neary an omnipresent state trooper in sight. This Honda Odyssey, whether you like it or not, is going to use all of its 255 horsepower to conquer the globe with just the slightest flash of the brake l

Mass Panic! Emotional Support Tarantula on the Loose in BLG Complex

With only four weeks until exams, honors students and honors-adjacent students across campus are seeking comfort from the most drastic sources with the most asinine plans. When petting whatever dog happens to run between your legs on Landis green ceases to quell the impending fear of your biochemistry final- even non-STEM majors are some seeking sweet, sweet emotional relief from anything remotely warm, fuzzy and welcoming. For Lilly Butler, Soup Can the emotional support tarantula is a beacon o